You know the saying,
“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes happily ever after”?
The end of the story, right? Not at all … If it is true that couples take a break after tying the knot, the fact is that they may also be surprised when their story ends.
Many people think that marriage is about marrying the right person, so when things start going wrong they worry that they married the wrong person. If you want to marry the person you are married to, marriage is far less than marrying the right person, at the same time you have to do the right thing with the person you are married to.
In other words, the relationship is a continuous work in progress. If your marriage looks bleak, try these tips to restore the connection that makes you happy.
1. Analyze Yourself
A common belief is that it takes both partners to preserve a marriage. This seems reasonable, but it is not true. It is possible for you to make enough changes to maintain a marriage unless your spouse really and completely leaves the relationship. Maybe not immediately, but over time a partner who is not happy will inevitably notice a positive change in your behavior and respond to it.
Whether you know it or not, you and your spouse will communicate in a wonderful stimulus, reaction pattern if you will. This means that when you do or say something, the stimulus and your partner respond, and then you respond to his response, and so on. The same thing happens when your partner says or does something … You both create a pattern of habitual actions and reactions over time.
Since a couple consists of two people, a change in one person’s behavior affects the other and hence the whole relationship. When the stimulus changes, there is a new, different response. Another new and different response is taken from that new response. If this is done enough, a new pattern of behavior will emerge. Assuming that new actions and reactions are positive, the relationship takes a positive turn.
For example, if you develop a habit of disrespecting your spouse, he or she may have developed some sort of reaction or copulation mechanism. If you stop behaving rudely, you do not need to use your coping mechanism and your reaction will change.
The simplest step to saving your marriage is to take a clear look at your own behavior, how you can change it, how you can communicate with your spouse, and what habits of kickstart logic are. Spend anything in looking at your relationship and finding out which parts work and which parts don’t. Take some time to imagine the right day for your whole relationship. How can this be? How do you and your partner behave?
Next, try to tell how you can get from point A, your current reality, point B to that full day. If you need it, write it down, it may be something you review to remind yourself of what you are doing. To avoid seeming overwhelmed, divide the problems into identifiable steps, and start solving them all at once. By doing this you will be able to take your attitude to your spouse’s reactions, and the initial steps around your marriage.
2. Money Madness
Money is one of the biggest sources of marital conflict – and it can be very difficult to resolve. This is something that couples are constantly worried about and arguing about. Disagreements about money arise from many sources. If one partner earns significantly more than another, violence can lead to high-income “policing” spending less income or feeling bitter about unequal income.
Money can be a proxy for conflicts or other aspects of dissatisfaction in marriage. Money in marriage is not just dollars and cents, it also symbolizes control, self-worth, or freedom. It can be used as a gift or as a punishment. Attitudes toward different goals or costs can lead to significant conflict.
If you and your spouse are begging each other for dollars and cents, it’s time to chat. It is important for couples to have an active plan for how they will manage their money:
- mix it up?
- Create a joint account and keep another one?
Whatever the plan, both parties need to be part of the decision to do this, and then figure out what to do to keep the system running smoothly.
The only thing you need to be careful of is not to turn this “money talk” into a screaming match … keep things good and if the discussion starts to heat up, stop things and revisit it another day.
3. Take A Time Out
If you find yourself and your spouse in a hot state, do not rule it out. Instead, consider allocating time, walking away, or taking in some air. Man hardens with the desire to win, so it is very difficult to lower their guard. When couples talk about hot button issues such as sex, homework, money, or children, it is not uncommon for a losing partner to overheat and exacerbate the problem.
The next time you start a bad relationship with your spouse, relax and review the topic when none of you are engrossed in the matter. Arguments can be completely avoided by going into a conversation that is capable of arguing with a calm and clear mind.
4. Give Up the Grudge’
It’s time to let go of your bad memories, and if you want to do this, you have to commit. It may seem easy, but trust me, it’s harder than you think. “Do you remember what you did?” arguments started with this lead to relationship breakdown. Instead of resenting forever, let them go.
Write down all the negative memories that are the product of your wedding on paper. Next, set a timer for a while, though you may want to let them go completely for a long time. Dedicated in time will sink into the misery of this ordeal. To taste them. Get angry about them. Mute about them. Do everything you can to keep them sick and tired. Once you are done, do not think about these anymore. Realize that these confusions have lost their purpose and there is no going back in time to change the course of history. Now toss the list and let them go.
Not only will you get relief and a lighter feeling, but by releasing this negative energy you will open yourself up with a clean slate and a new start.
Well, I hope you have learned something new and are confident and excited to try these tips. I’m also interested in hearing your feedback, so go ahead and send me a message below. Thanks for reading.