Today, I am going to give you 5 simple, effective tips and techniques that will allow you to stop these toxic claims and make sure that they do not harm or ruin your marriage.
Yes, all of these can really help prevent conflicts with your spouse, so you should start using them right away … but for most people, this is not the only thing that contributes to your marital problems, so you need to look at a few more issues as well as make sure you are happy with your spouse for a long time.
Technique #1: Use The 30-Minute Rule
Are you angry with your spouse about something? Are you ready to repel and scream because of everything he said or did? Or your spouse may have started a fight and you’re ready to fight back…But wait a second. Generally, hold for 30 minutes. Why? Well, I can not tell you not to get into an argument with your spouse. If you do not agree, you should stand up for what you believe is important to discuss with your spouse.
Okay, okay, you should and often do. But before, wait for 30 minutes. Do nothing special during that time, do not talk about the problem with your spouse – or even talk to them for half an hour before starting a discussion.
Those 30 minutes are often enough to give you perspectives and make you able to decide that this fight is not worth it… or it will help you cool down and calm the emotions so you can start discussing in a polite, adult way and prevent things from getting out of hand.
Technique #2: Take A Time-Out.
If you argue seriously with your spouse, the 30-minute rule is not really an option … but you can still take action to make sure the fight does not go ahead and the feelings do not go away. Talking to the end with you or your spouse, personal assaults, and so on.
In general, if the argument goes out of hand you need a way to reduce its severity. And the easiest way is to give yourself time. Generally, you should take a short break in the fight with your spouse to calm your nerves.
Now, do not go out of the room without an explanation – it will make your partner angry too – but you can tell them to take 10 minutes to think about things and stay calm. More respectful, productive discussion. Not only does it help calm your nerves, but it also helps calm your partner’s nerves, which means it works on both sides of the argument.
Technique #3: Those Old Sayings About “Never Going To Bed Angry” Do Not Really Work
This advice – that you should never be angry with your spouse – is completely ridiculous. Do you need to resolve conflicts with your spouse that can be a problem for years on the same evening? Or do you need to argue for up to 3 hours before bed?
That seems like a decent formula for a beneficial conversation, isn’t that right?
No, obviously this is a terrible idea… feel free to go to bed when you are mad at your partner or they are angry at you… sleeping on things can often overcome the problem itself, or at least give both sides some perspective and the opportunity to think things through.
Technique #4: Take responsibility for your role in conflicts or issues affecting your marriage
Are you too proud to admit that you can be part of the problem?
Me too. Trust me, I understand that it is very difficult to admit that you are wrong about anything. When you are in a serious argument, it is sometimes easier to lose the big picture or focus on the “win” than the real problem at hand … or the logical effect of their partner’s feelings. Sadly, researchers have proven that the concept of “right” or “winning” is not as satisfying as keeping it in your mind.
Instead of trying to win arguments with your spouse, try to focus on looking at things from your partner’s perspective, and then aim to come to some kind of positive results, even if it means you have to be proud that you have found that your partner has a legitimate concern or that it is very important to them.
Easier said than done?
Yes, but try to constantly remind yourself to take a step back and see your spouse – and then admit that it was a mistake or “loss” when it came to maintaining harmony in your marriage – it will definitely help.
Technique #5: Use humor and a positive, light-hearted attitude to defuse tension.
As I just said, it’s very easy to lose yourself in the heat of the moment when you are arguing with your important other things… and sometimes things can go on and on, toxic, marriage-bullying fights, even when they are most likely minor at first. This should not be a huge argument. If you can figure out when it is the best way to have a discussion with your partner, to define things, and to bring back some perspective.
When the discussion is anything serious or moving … or you are struggling with something very important to your spouse … but most of the time, a joke or light-hearted self-comment and smile can really calm things down and bring back perspective. As long as you do not minimize the problem and your spouse does not seem to take you seriously, laughing or joking will cool things down when they warm up.